Cermin milik sahabat

Kawan datang dan pergi..
Ada kawan,
Tetapi di mana mereka?
Dimanakah kawan-kawan ku saatku bersedih?
Kawan ku ramai...ada kawan ketawa, ada kawan suka, ada kawan gembira...
Ada kawan yang menjadi lawan...
Di manakah kawan duka ku?
Kawan jiwaku?
Di mana dia di antara yang satu?
Apa itu maksudmu kawan?
Kalau sentiasa memburu?
Mencemburu?
Sahabat ku jauh sekali...
Mungkin saja sudah tidak wujud lagi di muka bumi ini!
Biarlah aku sendiri...
Sahabatku ada di sini.
Tersembunyi di sebalik cermin diri.
Sesekali ditemani jari-jemari yang menekan 'keyboard'....
dan ''account' sepi.

All I have....

I don't know how to begin this...It has been a very long time since I'v been posting on my lonely blog. Life has never been quite the same of course. Except that my working station have been moved to a smaller cubicle. So good girls don't seat at the corner huh?? Ahhh screww what the books said... Life is always much better when you don't rely too much on the 101s... Hmmm... what to say... well to begin with, I really have nothing much to brag about. I drink twice as much coffee as before and with that means double the toxic in my vowel. I'm still in the same office with the same people....well, actually there is this new person came in and she is like way to loud and superly self centered and I'm totally not that kind. I'm a nope I'd rather whisper and sit at the corner... typing this alone at the corner with a cup of coffee next me. That's me if I would describe myself in a self portrait. I wish I could have that sense of you know standing firmly and with my songket and strike a post with the sanggul on my head! Well hello!! What do you think of yourself Nur Marlisa Zakaria?? A Sultanah? Nope. I'm thinking more of like Tun Teja. I mean that is worth the dreaming u know? Ahh  Classic... I love Classic and vintage wear... And yeah I'm a swifter... Sparks fly...(Taylor Swift in case there's a reader) Can you hear my heartbeat?? Please don't stay so close to me.... huuh... JJAMZ... Gosh I love JJAMZ! They're just so so... high!!! Ok back to reality... woops they goes gravity!!See? Is just so hard to pin me down. I too can be cool u know... laugh all day... nothing to worry.... Chillaxx!! 

[PERIOD] 

Get that ass of me now!!! I mean  to those people who like to sit and laugh at almost everything in their life! OMG they are just annoying!

OK lets be awake. So here it is my life passing by... and the most fascinating things that I could mention for now is always about the 2 Angels of Mine. They are Iris Aryan and Zehra Medina. Although sometimes they could really get to my nerve but its never that... really... watching how they greeted me at the front door every time when I reached home... and they were dancing when they see me!! Aahh I'll miss those times sooner than I can ever imagine. But It was never enough though? This happiness that I'm so use with... Nothing lass forever. Keep telling myself that. Even this blog. How irony could that be?

So today I had two meetings. One that I lead, so called... But always, there's this person I'm talking about earlier who would just love to take charge.. Taking charge of everything. Well it looks annoying to me. But who cares anyway. To me it just shows how desperate you are in taking charge. Trying so hard. No...nnahh I'm not like that. Sick and tired with this kinda of game.

All I have now is my wisdom and knowledge and my hunger for knowledge. Like JJAMZ song called It's never enough... and for that I'm willing to sacrifice everything. Insya Allah. I'm guided. That's all I know. That is all I have. 

Super supreme!

Stuck in the jam... Life is at its peak isn't it? I haven't have the time to smell the view.. Not just yet. Still haven't that wings to fly freely in the sky.. First it's money. Than it's job. It's always the same topic. Again and again... It's always about you being stable. In and out. But how would you do that in this material world?!! Suddenly... you realise you talk about your days to someone and they said "everybody face the same thing..." Yea? Then I need to be the different. Make the different! I hope I'll get that different piece of mine! At least that is what I believe. I'm different. Maybe it takes time to express myself. But I really hope I'll get the Super Supreme package of mine. It comes with not just the extra cheese but there's a pink cheese on top of it! Cheerin it up!

Singing of the Saints...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHDgEw_v5LM

Krabi Aonang, I'm never enough of the sunset ;(

But it was never enough, never enough, never
It was never enough, never enough, never
Though you hoped it'd be
So hopelessly

And I didn't know that I was wrong to try
To make you see the dying in your eyes
But you're never satisfied
And I finally realized

You were never enough, never enough, never
You were never enough, never enough, never
Though you hoped to be
So hopelessly

THE BURDEN

I finally know what I want... and I have found the reasons why we deserve to be apart...

1. Everything is on me - all the blames

2. The harshness - most of the time, then the softness just cant be bought

3. The rush - confused undecided time of him, keep on rushing me

4. The support - the support for taking care of the house, the kids, its done but its not INITIATED!!

5. The economic stability - always instability at most of the time

6. The complaints - of everything nice that I try to do ( cooking, vacation that I have planned)

I am SOBER of what I am writing
LIZBE

Ten Thousand Miles....

This is not me

When the limits is zero than the limits does not exist!! -Mean Girls. Cady Heron sounds very much like me back in high school. A timid girl with full of master plan. Untill today I always feel that everything that happens in my head seems like a blueprint of what I want. I may not be winning in every part of the plan, but it's just something I've expect.

I had a very wonderful moment when I'm in Sabah without even missing home except to my beloved daughter. But those moments always lead me to a the BIGGA questions in my head...Who I am? and What do I really want?? at that point of time, or just forever... But again there is nothing like forever? What you have at that point of your life could be the just the right thing for you, and then you've missed that one!

I totally agree with a word reminded by a dear friend that, everything in life happened for a reasons... and until you find that reasons, you will tend to make mistakes in searching what do you really want... and that is why you must have the faith. I believe Faith is only the limits to everything.

For me, yes everything happened for a reasons, but it doesn't stop just right there. I meant the word doesn't stop just like that for me. Everything happen for a reason, but only for those who think. Or at least thinking. Just like me... I've always been thinking. Yeah I think too much... I never stop thinking how to become better... how to improve... how to make them happy... yet, I guess I'm not that perfect angel born with the wings to fly... Faith is only what I have...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTPbqPFKGoA

"Me, Krabi and The Sun"

I' v never been with the sun

Bamboo Island, like a large swimming pool with no ends

Massage by the beach ;)

Owh My Krabi...

Getting to Krabi...Getting back...while spending my time looking at the pictures, I find myself attached to this place more than ever! The moment I dipped my foot into the softy sands, and look over the crystal clear sea, I just knew that this is exactly where I want to be! I belong here, to witness the miracles of Gods, something so enchanted, untouched and content.

Unlike the hectic life we faced in the city, Krabi is a simple town with easy traffic, uncongested, very much of laid-back activities made especially for us, the tourist. 70% of the economy is sustained from the tourism industry. Most of the people earn incomes from, the boats, other local transports (tut-tut), food stalls, even Thai Massage, farmers, and perhaps around 30% belongs to the upper-class level, which are having their own hotels businesses, restaurants, shops etc.

Railay

Island Hope

For those who love water like me and never get out from it, you can enjoy Island Hoping which cost you about RM100 - 120 per person, depending on how you can bargain on the package. We took a package from Island paradise, and we paid 1200 Baht per person including a lunch in Phi Phi Don. The itinerary will be basically like this:-

This, the Maya Bay

9.00 Pick up at the hotel
9.30 Arrive at the pier
10.00 Hop onto the boat!
10.30 Snorkelling, Maya Bay, Viking Cave, Phi Phi (Lunch)
2.30 Bamboo Island
4.30 Arrival back


Food
Good food is one of the most important activities when you go for holiday. There are just many and plenty of them along the Aonang centre. Thailand is known for its famous Tom Yam and other spicy food like those we ate in Malaysia. Is just that the taste is much more original and pure when you eat in Thailand itself! For Muslim I recommend you go to go to Chaba Thai Restaurant, a Muslim owned that serves the best Tom Yam with variety of other choices and western foods as well. However, you do not have to worry so much on the halal food since there are many Muslim hawkers along the street.

Sotong Celup Tepung [Deep-fried Cuttlefish, Coated with Flour]

Aonang Street

Talent One

Night Life
The long stretch of Aonang night market offers more than just anything you may look for. There are handcrafts, paintings, arches, pearls, silks, décors, apparels, swimwear and so many other kinds of souvenirs for you to bring back. The next time I go, I’ll make sure I’ll grab one of the paintings.
Missed one 

Hmm one of the things that I've missed to do is to join the activity on the inland. From what I understand, the tour includes Elephant Trekking, swimming in the Emerald hidden pool and enjoys the hot stream waterfalls...

Sweet goodbye...
Remembering all the good times that I had, I would say Krabi is a great place to visit not just for honeymooners, but it is also good place to spend your quality time with the family. You could discover so many wonderful things you could do together with your family, by exploring the beauty of the Island by itself. It is a place of relax and easy, secluded, good enough for you to experience a life of an Islander.

Utterly Bliss

Running through my veins...

Sometimes you just can’t stop thinking, how… why? when  was your life is just so much happier than before? Sometimes you just can't stop comparing how different would it be if things never change, if things would always stay the same. But what you see now is just memories lying in yourself… fooling your minds… the memories that is left behind… Sometimes you wonder how much you’ve think of the people you have met in the past… and think of all the good times you had spent together. Sometimes you wonder how much you’ve missed all of them. Sometimes you tell yourself, what you cherished is what you keep deep down in your heart… and you will never forget… The memories are just hunting you…

My Blue Handbag

Rebecca Minkoff: My Love at first sight 

I’ve always dream of having this baby blue handbag where I carry around putting all my stuff inside. But of course I’ll wear it with my faded blue jeans and baby-dolls. I've always go for the faded one. Vintage. I'm a vintage person in colour, trance in music. I listen to ‘Supermode’ when I work. I'd love to wear Sunnies walking by the street and check out the painting shops. That is who I really am regardless of what I’ve been facing inside and outside…regardless if I'm a working wall or a mother in the kitchen. I'm always the one with that baby blue bag (not blue but baby blue) and faded jeans. Who am I now? What am I inside? I just have a lot to think. Do I belong to the right place or maybe not at the right time? I wish I can paint a flower shops and hang them on my boutique and having coffee with all my customers talking not just about my products, but the philosophies’ behind my products. I wish. How I wish. 

Plenty of Pinks

I love pink. That shows how I always ended buying all the pink stuffs although I almost paid for other the colours sometimes. I couldn't resist pink. I might not wear them every day, but I just love to see them in abundance. Plenty of pinks made my day… :) If only the FB layout is in Pink? Because I hate the goddamn blue thingy around it!!! Owh please can't they just make it any more obvious?!! Well you know what I mean...

By the way, here are some of my stuffs that I just bought which are in Pink.

@ The Office

• A pair of Move sandals from Brand Outlets RM 70 for two which the other one was robbed I guess? That’s the shortest way to explain it.  
• A Za 2 way foundation case cost RM11.90.
• A IN 2 IT pink eye shadows cost RM 21.90.
• Pink make-up case made from cotton sealed with Plastic RM13. Maybe
• and a BPA free bottle from Tesco- RM 5. 

Well I guess that’s all for the pep talk. The next time we see I’m going to share with you how I love purple…

Smile and have a gud some!

-Ledlizbe

Pemberian Tahu - Chairil Anwar

Bukan maksudku mau berbagi nasib,

Nasib adalah kesunyian masing-masing.

Kupilih kau dari yang banyak,

Tapi sebentar kita sudah dalam sepi lagi terjaring.

Aku pernah ingin benar padamu,

Di malam raya, menjadi kanak-kanak kembali,

Kita berpeluk ciuman tidak jemu,

Rasa tak sanggup kau kulepaskan.

Jangan satukan hidupmu dengan hidupku,

Aku memang tidak bisa lama bersama

Ini juga kutulis di kapal, di laut tidak bernama!

Chairil Anwar

1946

Puisinya Tentang Seseorang...

Ku Iari ke hutan, kemudian teriak ku..

Ku Iari ke pantai, kemudian mennyanyi ku..

Sepi. .

Sepi dan sendiri, aku benci...

Aku mahu binqgar... aku mahu dipasar...

Bosan aku dengan penat....

Dan enyah saja kau pekat..

Seperti benjelaga jika ku sendiri

Pecahkan saja gelasnya

Biar ramai, biar mengaduh sampai gaduh..

Aihh...

Ada malaikat menyulam jaring Iabah-Iabah belang

Di tembok keraton putih

Mengapa tak goyangkan saja locengnya

Biar terdera...

Atau aku harus Iari ke pantai

Belok ke hutan...

 

SAKIT SENGAL URAT

Mengapa perlu bangkitkan kisah2 yang lama? Ungkit mengungkit kesilapan yang lalu...belajarlah memberi peluang, membahagi sama-sama... sama kaya, sama rasa... kita ini orang merdeka... bangkitlah wahai semua... ah! sakit orang politik masih sama… - Madah after lunch ;>  

Awan yang terpilu...

This is the time when I feel really sad about myself and also my life. I keep on telling myself how special I am and why I have been chosen to face all these difficulties in my life. I get married and yet to find the most happiness part of my life. The only thing that I could figure out is the smiling face of my baby girl Aryan. I am somehow not in the favourite list of my family, friends and even my working life. Maybe is because of the personality that I have. I am a very plain person in nature. Well nothing much of my physical structure, my face and yet my so called wisdom. To be honest, I never really can compete with everything around me. At most of the times, I spend myself wondering how happy my sister is to have a very lovable husband, good money, good set of friends...I keep remembering how temper my husband can be....how difficult and serious is my mother...and how wild are my my friends... For god sake nothing jokes me!! Life is just like sad and boring cloud passing bye.. Sometimes, I feel like I just want to run and never stops running. Maybe what Forest Gump did was what he finds make him happy and content. Life is about running until you die. Because the road you've been passing is always full of enemies, jealousy, rude and bad mouthing where people keep bringing you down all the time. Sometimes I feel like zipping my mouth and never talk to anyone just write and listen to all my sad music collections. In the same time I feel like I'm running. Running with the two fingers on the keyboard. Or perhaps dancing in this very unwelcoming stage of life! But somehow there is no regret in my life. At least, that is how I must feel and keep telling myself everyday... so just pack my stuffs and move on. Move on and move along. Keep everything that I feel deep deep inside. And sometimes I feel jaded...

MY BLOG IS MY OWN...

Today I came early, not as usual. I got myself some 'kuey' at the lrt station. In the train, besides reading I like to look around. See some faces. I wonder whether all these peoples are so much eager to go to work or they are just like walking zombies like me. The point that I keep asking in my mind is whether the job I'm having now is really for me. Is it something that I like? At first I feel it was okay, but then I find this place is just so hard to get along. Stamford wasn't like this? KLMU was a big time sucks but the people are just fine. Telekom wasn't. This is worst! The poeple, are just one kind. Nak kata terlalu goverment tak jugak. Telekom pun kira goverment jugak tapi takdala macamni. Well I have this instinct already when the so called 'group CEO' asked us to be the organizer for his sons wedding. I was whatta??! and whatever you do here, everyone knows...everyone is busy boddy to know...OMG...and then what, I have manager pastu senior manager. Perlukah...? Today when I was making my coffee at the pantry everybody was looking at me. Why? Is is because I'm early? Why they bother? Pandang2...tak habis2 nak jaga tepi kain orang...malula tengok attitude orang Melayu macam ni. I don't know if I'm having the wrong feeling but I'll try my best to IGNORE  them...and this is why I write...just write my feelings...It's my right to write...My blog is my own. No one can sibuk2. Hehe..

It is fine with me

So many things have happened lately...just too many things!! Tired. Bored. Give up. Yes that is what I feel. How I feel. If I could talk in front of the whole world, I would say “Just, give me the right to feel what I want to feel. Think what I want to think. Just let this lady speak! For once please.”

For ordinary people who have gone through their ordinary lives, things may have been so perfect towards them. Things have been so perfect, that they’ve never face any off the Devils. And so they would want to follow all the perfect rules…what they called the right things for them. They do not want to bend. They just go straight. Because the road they've been taking has always been a straight one.


But for someone like me, I guess I don't belong to those ordinaries. Things have been hard for me all the time. First, I have no salary for the past one and half month. Then my husband has been cheated by his business partners (the Devils). He’s been cheated Big Time! He loses his job. And then, there goes the money… Money? Money…Money!!! The everlasting motive I have, to get my feet on the ground, and get myself to the office every day. Like this smiling zombie I feel like there is a big fat stone on my head and my chest. I got sick so often these days. Just mentally sick!


At the same time while I’m writing this, the Devils I mentioned are sitting nicely in their couch smiling… at each of the ruining that they have caused! I have stop asking myself, why there are such filthy people in this world? I have stopped that long time. To me they are just like the cars on the road. HAHA! Quite a comparison or maybe I should say they are just like a shit on the streets! Or, like flies flying around the shit!! They are just there. Born to be that way.


Recently we receive sms threat saying that they will hunt us down. Or kill us maybe. Who cares anyway? Keep telling myself “Nothing will happen without Allah’s agree it to be happened”. I do worry about Iris’s safety. I do. Should I hold my deep breath?? It just never stops isn’t it? I’m tired but I can’t sleep. I’m hungry but I can’t eat. I’m happy? No I am not. Happy seems to be overrated.

Keep telling myself maybe this is what written for me. Just like how I write this story. There couldn’t be nothing more nothing less to write. I guess, Allah have says “It is fine for me” and so I must said yes it is fine with me.

Shower of My Heart....

Everything has fallen back to one piece. Finally I have give birth to my baby girl, Iris Aryan, on the 28th of December 2009 after going through 36 weeks of pregnancy (well, that's what the doctor said). Aryan, according to Arabic translation that I found means the Utmost Strength.

My Iris here is referring to a flower... Surprisingly, my strong flower is seemed to be a very though girl from the first day she was born. She moves a lot. I wonder what could it be in my tummy all this while..? I wonder where all the kicking came from that I felt every night and day?!! On her first day, Iris is already seen punching and kicking the air! What have I been eating that makes her bone so strong? “NOTHING” ;-p. Or is it the name Aryan I called her every time when I talked to my tummy? Hmm must be the name I guess... Whatever it is she is just so funnily adorable... If only I could record every of her moves... I was a bit frustrated that I couldn't record it as I don't have any video-cam and no one reminds me of one. Since the Cesarean, I barely can stand on myself. I could not visit her in the baby's room, but I could hear her voice every time she cried. When they carried her to my room I could not carry her still, so I reached my face to kiss her on the forehead. She has got the smell that makes me feel like shower in my heart... Yes! That's the feeling to describe it! Shower of my heart!

Iris is 39 days now.... She can lift up her head and turn at both side whenever she sleeps on her tummy. She is very alert at every sound she heard. Her eyes are bright and shiny and always wide open to check around, responding to everything she heard or sees. My parents said that she is very focus for a new born. I don't know, but I do have the feeling that this girl is gonna be a very keen one.

Now I understand how every mother would felt of their baby...they want everything for their everything. And they still feel not enough. Malay proverb once mentioned, Kasih ibu tak pernah putus... (Mothers love will never stop...) Well I could feel that feeling in me now...being a mother is like you're given with a piece of treasure... this treasure could be a final piece that you have and you could not afford to trade it with anything in this world. Maybe one day you'll have another piece one or two...or three maybe...or a dozen maybe...but it is just so much precious that you cannot let them go away just like how the other treasure you've gain and may leave behind...

Kasih Iris (Ibu)

 

Ibarat bunga yang baru tumbuh...
 

Ibarat luka yang terus sembuh...
 

Melihat wajahmu Iris...
 

Ibu rasa hilang segala derita...
 

Kaulah berita gembira...
 

Kaulah pembawa ceria...

Wahai anakku Iris mengertilah...
 

Kasih Ibu tak pernah putus...
 

Kasih Ibu kasih yang telus...
 

Kasih Ibu tak perlu di ajar...
 

Kasih Ibu tak perlu belajar...
 

Apabila mendakap...
 

Kasih Ibu terus merasa...


Wahai anakku Iris jangan terasa...

Ibu kan ada senantiasa...
 

Kasih Ibu untuk Iris tak akan putus....
 

Bagai air mengalir terus...
 

Setinggi gunung...
 

Seluas lautan...
 

Kasih nya Ibu berkekalan...


Iris Aryan...
 

Ibarat bunga dalam taman...
 

Hanya satu menjadi idaman...
 

Serupa tapi tak sama? 
 

Tiada dua atau tiga


Hanya ada satu Iris Ibu
 

Iris Ibu...
 

Iris Ibu...

My INNER smile...

I’ve been spending my time counting the days goes by…. Thinking ahead on what it takes to become a wife and soon a mother… The world around me seems so far yet so near. I’m not scared or anything. Readiness is seems to be the right word to describe it. I am ready. I am ready with open arms. I’ve imagine that my first touch would be somewhat magical. I can’t wait for all this to happen! Soon it’s going to be a new me. Just the two of us building castle in the sky. Just the two of us! :)

PiNK

I love pink. For me pink is the color of happiness and glamour! My girl would love pink very much just like the mother. I can imagine all the pink baby stuff. I would want to wear my girl all in pink and snap a picture of her like a girl in a pink donut or Thumbelina...pinkkkkkkk!

The utmost strength...

I'm 7 months. In another two months I’ll becoming a mother to a baby girl unnamed. ;)

Of course! I already have a name in mind... In fact I'm calling her using the name already! I have the feeling that she likes it! She will be named”_ _ _ _ Aryan". Aryan is a historic word used in almost 5000 years back. In Arabic it means an utmost strength. In Hindu it refers to a race, a white skin ruling, during the Indus Civilization. I'm thinking of naming her Iris Aryan or Nurul Aryan or Irdina Aryan..... I do not know which one is the best! Pick me one please! I can't help it feeling so excited! It is just a great feeling to become a mommy! I'm so happy that finally I get to have my own real one you know?? Well I can't really express like this outside because I have to consider a lot of rules and superstitions...do not feel this...do not do that...plus, my sister is also wishing to have a baby. She just got miscarriage. I do not want to make her feel bad.

However, being pregnant making me wonder why god makes us so different in many many ways... I'm thinking sometimes why, there are people who are really happy for others and there are people who just can't be happy for his or herself and there are people who just don't feel happy to see someone happy... Just like how I really like babies...and I can see how badly my sister want a baby too... and I know someone who don't want a baby at all. She hates baby.

But whatever it is, I know there must be a perfect name for my lovely mini me. I hope she will have the strength like me. A quiet and soft one outside, but very strong inside.AHAKS!