It is fine with me

So many things have happened lately...just too many things!! Tired. Bored. Give up. Yes that is what I feel. How I feel. If I could talk in front of the whole world, I would say “Just, give me the right to feel what I want to feel. Think what I want to think. Just let this lady speak! For once please.”

For ordinary people who have gone through their ordinary lives, things may have been so perfect towards them. Things have been so perfect, that they’ve never face any off the Devils. And so they would want to follow all the perfect rules…what they called the right things for them. They do not want to bend. They just go straight. Because the road they've been taking has always been a straight one.


But for someone like me, I guess I don't belong to those ordinaries. Things have been hard for me all the time. First, I have no salary for the past one and half month. Then my husband has been cheated by his business partners (the Devils). He’s been cheated Big Time! He loses his job. And then, there goes the money… Money? Money…Money!!! The everlasting motive I have, to get my feet on the ground, and get myself to the office every day. Like this smiling zombie I feel like there is a big fat stone on my head and my chest. I got sick so often these days. Just mentally sick!


At the same time while I’m writing this, the Devils I mentioned are sitting nicely in their couch smiling… at each of the ruining that they have caused! I have stop asking myself, why there are such filthy people in this world? I have stopped that long time. To me they are just like the cars on the road. HAHA! Quite a comparison or maybe I should say they are just like a shit on the streets! Or, like flies flying around the shit!! They are just there. Born to be that way.


Recently we receive sms threat saying that they will hunt us down. Or kill us maybe. Who cares anyway? Keep telling myself “Nothing will happen without Allah’s agree it to be happened”. I do worry about Iris’s safety. I do. Should I hold my deep breath?? It just never stops isn’t it? I’m tired but I can’t sleep. I’m hungry but I can’t eat. I’m happy? No I am not. Happy seems to be overrated.

Keep telling myself maybe this is what written for me. Just like how I write this story. There couldn’t be nothing more nothing less to write. I guess, Allah have says “It is fine for me” and so I must said yes it is fine with me.