Shower of My Heart....

Everything has fallen back to one piece. Finally I have give birth to my baby girl, Iris Aryan, on the 28th of December 2009 after going through 36 weeks of pregnancy (well, that's what the doctor said). Aryan, according to Arabic translation that I found means the Utmost Strength.

My Iris here is referring to a flower... Surprisingly, my strong flower is seemed to be a very though girl from the first day she was born. She moves a lot. I wonder what could it be in my tummy all this while..? I wonder where all the kicking came from that I felt every night and day?!! On her first day, Iris is already seen punching and kicking the air! What have I been eating that makes her bone so strong? “NOTHING” ;-p. Or is it the name Aryan I called her every time when I talked to my tummy? Hmm must be the name I guess... Whatever it is she is just so funnily adorable... If only I could record every of her moves... I was a bit frustrated that I couldn't record it as I don't have any video-cam and no one reminds me of one. Since the Cesarean, I barely can stand on myself. I could not visit her in the baby's room, but I could hear her voice every time she cried. When they carried her to my room I could not carry her still, so I reached my face to kiss her on the forehead. She has got the smell that makes me feel like shower in my heart... Yes! That's the feeling to describe it! Shower of my heart!

Iris is 39 days now.... She can lift up her head and turn at both side whenever she sleeps on her tummy. She is very alert at every sound she heard. Her eyes are bright and shiny and always wide open to check around, responding to everything she heard or sees. My parents said that she is very focus for a new born. I don't know, but I do have the feeling that this girl is gonna be a very keen one.

Now I understand how every mother would felt of their baby...they want everything for their everything. And they still feel not enough. Malay proverb once mentioned, Kasih ibu tak pernah putus... (Mothers love will never stop...) Well I could feel that feeling in me now...being a mother is like you're given with a piece of treasure... this treasure could be a final piece that you have and you could not afford to trade it with anything in this world. Maybe one day you'll have another piece one or two...or three maybe...or a dozen maybe...but it is just so much precious that you cannot let them go away just like how the other treasure you've gain and may leave behind...

Kasih Iris (Ibu)

 

Ibarat bunga yang baru tumbuh...
 

Ibarat luka yang terus sembuh...
 

Melihat wajahmu Iris...
 

Ibu rasa hilang segala derita...
 

Kaulah berita gembira...
 

Kaulah pembawa ceria...

Wahai anakku Iris mengertilah...
 

Kasih Ibu tak pernah putus...
 

Kasih Ibu kasih yang telus...
 

Kasih Ibu tak perlu di ajar...
 

Kasih Ibu tak perlu belajar...
 

Apabila mendakap...
 

Kasih Ibu terus merasa...


Wahai anakku Iris jangan terasa...

Ibu kan ada senantiasa...
 

Kasih Ibu untuk Iris tak akan putus....
 

Bagai air mengalir terus...
 

Setinggi gunung...
 

Seluas lautan...
 

Kasih nya Ibu berkekalan...


Iris Aryan...
 

Ibarat bunga dalam taman...
 

Hanya satu menjadi idaman...
 

Serupa tapi tak sama? 
 

Tiada dua atau tiga


Hanya ada satu Iris Ibu
 

Iris Ibu...
 

Iris Ibu...

My INNER smile...

I’ve been spending my time counting the days goes by…. Thinking ahead on what it takes to become a wife and soon a mother… The world around me seems so far yet so near. I’m not scared or anything. Readiness is seems to be the right word to describe it. I am ready. I am ready with open arms. I’ve imagine that my first touch would be somewhat magical. I can’t wait for all this to happen! Soon it’s going to be a new me. Just the two of us building castle in the sky. Just the two of us! :)

PiNK

I love pink. For me pink is the color of happiness and glamour! My girl would love pink very much just like the mother. I can imagine all the pink baby stuff. I would want to wear my girl all in pink and snap a picture of her like a girl in a pink donut or Thumbelina...pinkkkkkkk!

The utmost strength...

I'm 7 months. In another two months I’ll becoming a mother to a baby girl unnamed. ;)

Of course! I already have a name in mind... In fact I'm calling her using the name already! I have the feeling that she likes it! She will be named”_ _ _ _ Aryan". Aryan is a historic word used in almost 5000 years back. In Arabic it means an utmost strength. In Hindu it refers to a race, a white skin ruling, during the Indus Civilization. I'm thinking of naming her Iris Aryan or Nurul Aryan or Irdina Aryan..... I do not know which one is the best! Pick me one please! I can't help it feeling so excited! It is just a great feeling to become a mommy! I'm so happy that finally I get to have my own real one you know?? Well I can't really express like this outside because I have to consider a lot of rules and superstitions...do not feel this...do not do that...plus, my sister is also wishing to have a baby. She just got miscarriage. I do not want to make her feel bad.

However, being pregnant making me wonder why god makes us so different in many many ways... I'm thinking sometimes why, there are people who are really happy for others and there are people who just can't be happy for his or herself and there are people who just don't feel happy to see someone happy... Just like how I really like babies...and I can see how badly my sister want a baby too... and I know someone who don't want a baby at all. She hates baby.

But whatever it is, I know there must be a perfect name for my lovely mini me. I hope she will have the strength like me. A quiet and soft one outside, but very strong inside.AHAKS!

The Origin of The Sins - LOVE

I have these strange feelings of how some people just love to love. And I wonder how some people just can't love.

"Love is just a word"- Mr. Stoned or maybe my father. “Birthday is just another day of life…”…my father

When we use the word love to describe something, or to express something or perhaps just making a remark, I wonder what are we really having at the back of our mind!! Are we really using the word by choosing the word as to when we say it and why we say it?? I love this! I love that! I LOVE you… My man always said he loves me every day, and I feel good about it. It is indeed a great endurance for me…But sometimes, I’m asking myself this happiness I have felt in me, is it because of the word he said or is it because I just want to hear the word? LOVE.

“Love is the first religion. Without it you can’t begin anything”- Mr. Moses.
I was only maybe 10 to 12 years old when I first learned these words from Mr. Moses. At that time the word seems zero to me. But after years of growing in LOVE, I remember these words by Mr. Moses clearly. The words kinda' fit my definition for Love somehow..

A pious one would describe that love is only for God. So is it sinful to love others, other than loving your God?

There’s a girl in my office that I considered very naive. She is younger than me. She's brought up in a very “proper” Muslim family. We all like her (so so) at the beginning… She shared with us that she never have boyfriend because the parents never allow her to have any relationship without their consent. Let us think why? Is it because the parents LOVE her too much?? So to make the story short, this innocent girl has fallen in LOVE… not with the parents of course, but guess what?!! She is in LOVE with my so called MR BALL HEAD BOSS!! (OF COZ A MARRIED MAN) At first, I couldn’t believe that this is really happening behind my eyes. But after a few witnessing of incidents, I guess they must have fallen for something that people usually refer to it as LOVE…. When I share this with my colleagues, they use one word to describe it, that “LOVE is blind…” NO!! I simply disagree with that. Love is not blind. It is the desire that is blind. When you cannot control your desires or your lust that is the origin of the sins. The worst part that I could not understand is, this MR BALL HEAD is not really with the character of a BOSS material…He is just not. He is the kind that uses material words to become a boss. This is another sin I’m talking about.

But guess what?? It all come down to one origin, that is Lust, Desires…Greediness and having too much LUV in this material world….

“There’s a danger in love with somebody to much…When you know it’s your heart you can’ trust…” – A song I can sing but I don’t remember the title.

"Laugh as much as you breath, love as long as you live.."

My perception over life has always been somewhat delightful. Although there are much more sulking from myself or the other, it is always seen as an ideal way of modification. Hahha! That is what I was told. Nothing wrong... It’s just I guess, I need a room for myself. I’ve been into this relationship for about 7 months and its getting serious than ever!

At some point in our lives, I believe it is great that we have a steady kind of relationship. It’s a wonderful thing when you finally have someone in your heart... The arguments, emotional and blaming could have been the worst part in a relationship, but the fact that it is inevitable it’s just like bearing a pain with a pain killer, but the pain isn’t totally gone. I’ll come and go just like a headache. The real pain happens when you can’t swallow the pills anymore.

The purpose of having a relationship is very simple, but to fulfil it is not. Until we realize that love is also about sacrificing your needs to someone, then only you can stand a relationship be it whatever challenges may comes.

When I first thinking that I need a room for myself, I was in a way thinking that I deserve to be selfish to have a break in a relationship for a while...spend sometimes alone... But just when I heard his voice over my cell phone, this morning, even this afternoon, I don’t think that having a space is the solution. Perhaps it’s true that one should need a space in a relationship for a while just to find the missing pieces or ‘the other half’ and patch things up. But in my case, my ‘other half’ is created for me. It can’t be separated. It’s already inside me. Just like the air I breath.

Laugh as much as I live, love as long as I breath. It's the other way round