Running through my veins...

Sometimes you just can’t stop thinking, how… why? when  was your life is just so much happier than before? Sometimes you just can't stop comparing how different would it be if things never change, if things would always stay the same. But what you see now is just memories lying in yourself… fooling your minds… the memories that is left behind… Sometimes you wonder how much you’ve think of the people you have met in the past… and think of all the good times you had spent together. Sometimes you wonder how much you’ve missed all of them. Sometimes you tell yourself, what you cherished is what you keep deep down in your heart… and you will never forget… The memories are just hunting you…

My Blue Handbag

Rebecca Minkoff: My Love at first sight 

I’ve always dream of having this baby blue handbag where I carry around putting all my stuff inside. But of course I’ll wear it with my faded blue jeans and baby-dolls. I've always go for the faded one. Vintage. I'm a vintage person in colour, trance in music. I listen to ‘Supermode’ when I work. I'd love to wear Sunnies walking by the street and check out the painting shops. That is who I really am regardless of what I’ve been facing inside and outside…regardless if I'm a working wall or a mother in the kitchen. I'm always the one with that baby blue bag (not blue but baby blue) and faded jeans. Who am I now? What am I inside? I just have a lot to think. Do I belong to the right place or maybe not at the right time? I wish I can paint a flower shops and hang them on my boutique and having coffee with all my customers talking not just about my products, but the philosophies’ behind my products. I wish. How I wish. 

Plenty of Pinks

I love pink. That shows how I always ended buying all the pink stuffs although I almost paid for other the colours sometimes. I couldn't resist pink. I might not wear them every day, but I just love to see them in abundance. Plenty of pinks made my day… :) If only the FB layout is in Pink? Because I hate the goddamn blue thingy around it!!! Owh please can't they just make it any more obvious?!! Well you know what I mean...

By the way, here are some of my stuffs that I just bought which are in Pink.

@ The Office

• A pair of Move sandals from Brand Outlets RM 70 for two which the other one was robbed I guess? That’s the shortest way to explain it.  
• A Za 2 way foundation case cost RM11.90.
• A IN 2 IT pink eye shadows cost RM 21.90.
• Pink make-up case made from cotton sealed with Plastic RM13. Maybe
• and a BPA free bottle from Tesco- RM 5. 

Well I guess that’s all for the pep talk. The next time we see I’m going to share with you how I love purple…

Smile and have a gud some!

-Ledlizbe

Pemberian Tahu - Chairil Anwar

Bukan maksudku mau berbagi nasib,

Nasib adalah kesunyian masing-masing.

Kupilih kau dari yang banyak,

Tapi sebentar kita sudah dalam sepi lagi terjaring.

Aku pernah ingin benar padamu,

Di malam raya, menjadi kanak-kanak kembali,

Kita berpeluk ciuman tidak jemu,

Rasa tak sanggup kau kulepaskan.

Jangan satukan hidupmu dengan hidupku,

Aku memang tidak bisa lama bersama

Ini juga kutulis di kapal, di laut tidak bernama!

Chairil Anwar

1946

Puisinya Tentang Seseorang...

Ku Iari ke hutan, kemudian teriak ku..

Ku Iari ke pantai, kemudian mennyanyi ku..

Sepi. .

Sepi dan sendiri, aku benci...

Aku mahu binqgar... aku mahu dipasar...

Bosan aku dengan penat....

Dan enyah saja kau pekat..

Seperti benjelaga jika ku sendiri

Pecahkan saja gelasnya

Biar ramai, biar mengaduh sampai gaduh..

Aihh...

Ada malaikat menyulam jaring Iabah-Iabah belang

Di tembok keraton putih

Mengapa tak goyangkan saja locengnya

Biar terdera...

Atau aku harus Iari ke pantai

Belok ke hutan...

 

SAKIT SENGAL URAT

Mengapa perlu bangkitkan kisah2 yang lama? Ungkit mengungkit kesilapan yang lalu...belajarlah memberi peluang, membahagi sama-sama... sama kaya, sama rasa... kita ini orang merdeka... bangkitlah wahai semua... ah! sakit orang politik masih sama… - Madah after lunch ;>  

Awan yang terpilu...

This is the time when I feel really sad about myself and also my life. I keep on telling myself how special I am and why I have been chosen to face all these difficulties in my life. I get married and yet to find the most happiness part of my life. The only thing that I could figure out is the smiling face of my baby girl Aryan. I am somehow not in the favourite list of my family, friends and even my working life. Maybe is because of the personality that I have. I am a very plain person in nature. Well nothing much of my physical structure, my face and yet my so called wisdom. To be honest, I never really can compete with everything around me. At most of the times, I spend myself wondering how happy my sister is to have a very lovable husband, good money, good set of friends...I keep remembering how temper my husband can be....how difficult and serious is my mother...and how wild are my my friends... For god sake nothing jokes me!! Life is just like sad and boring cloud passing bye.. Sometimes, I feel like I just want to run and never stops running. Maybe what Forest Gump did was what he finds make him happy and content. Life is about running until you die. Because the road you've been passing is always full of enemies, jealousy, rude and bad mouthing where people keep bringing you down all the time. Sometimes I feel like zipping my mouth and never talk to anyone just write and listen to all my sad music collections. In the same time I feel like I'm running. Running with the two fingers on the keyboard. Or perhaps dancing in this very unwelcoming stage of life! But somehow there is no regret in my life. At least, that is how I must feel and keep telling myself everyday... so just pack my stuffs and move on. Move on and move along. Keep everything that I feel deep deep inside. And sometimes I feel jaded...

MY BLOG IS MY OWN...

Today I came early, not as usual. I got myself some 'kuey' at the lrt station. In the train, besides reading I like to look around. See some faces. I wonder whether all these peoples are so much eager to go to work or they are just like walking zombies like me. The point that I keep asking in my mind is whether the job I'm having now is really for me. Is it something that I like? At first I feel it was okay, but then I find this place is just so hard to get along. Stamford wasn't like this? KLMU was a big time sucks but the people are just fine. Telekom wasn't. This is worst! The poeple, are just one kind. Nak kata terlalu goverment tak jugak. Telekom pun kira goverment jugak tapi takdala macamni. Well I have this instinct already when the so called 'group CEO' asked us to be the organizer for his sons wedding. I was whatta??! and whatever you do here, everyone knows...everyone is busy boddy to know...OMG...and then what, I have manager pastu senior manager. Perlukah...? Today when I was making my coffee at the pantry everybody was looking at me. Why? Is is because I'm early? Why they bother? Pandang2...tak habis2 nak jaga tepi kain orang...malula tengok attitude orang Melayu macam ni. I don't know if I'm having the wrong feeling but I'll try my best to IGNORE  them...and this is why I write...just write my feelings...It's my right to write...My blog is my own. No one can sibuk2. Hehe..

It is fine with me

So many things have happened lately...just too many things!! Tired. Bored. Give up. Yes that is what I feel. How I feel. If I could talk in front of the whole world, I would say “Just, give me the right to feel what I want to feel. Think what I want to think. Just let this lady speak! For once please.”

For ordinary people who have gone through their ordinary lives, things may have been so perfect towards them. Things have been so perfect, that they’ve never face any off the Devils. And so they would want to follow all the perfect rules…what they called the right things for them. They do not want to bend. They just go straight. Because the road they've been taking has always been a straight one.


But for someone like me, I guess I don't belong to those ordinaries. Things have been hard for me all the time. First, I have no salary for the past one and half month. Then my husband has been cheated by his business partners (the Devils). He’s been cheated Big Time! He loses his job. And then, there goes the money… Money? Money…Money!!! The everlasting motive I have, to get my feet on the ground, and get myself to the office every day. Like this smiling zombie I feel like there is a big fat stone on my head and my chest. I got sick so often these days. Just mentally sick!


At the same time while I’m writing this, the Devils I mentioned are sitting nicely in their couch smiling… at each of the ruining that they have caused! I have stop asking myself, why there are such filthy people in this world? I have stopped that long time. To me they are just like the cars on the road. HAHA! Quite a comparison or maybe I should say they are just like a shit on the streets! Or, like flies flying around the shit!! They are just there. Born to be that way.


Recently we receive sms threat saying that they will hunt us down. Or kill us maybe. Who cares anyway? Keep telling myself “Nothing will happen without Allah’s agree it to be happened”. I do worry about Iris’s safety. I do. Should I hold my deep breath?? It just never stops isn’t it? I’m tired but I can’t sleep. I’m hungry but I can’t eat. I’m happy? No I am not. Happy seems to be overrated.

Keep telling myself maybe this is what written for me. Just like how I write this story. There couldn’t be nothing more nothing less to write. I guess, Allah have says “It is fine for me” and so I must said yes it is fine with me.