MY BLOG IS MY OWN...

Today I came early, not as usual. I got myself some 'kuey' at the lrt station. In the train, besides reading I like to look around. See some faces. I wonder whether all these peoples are so much eager to go to work or they are just like walking zombies like me. The point that I keep asking in my mind is whether the job I'm having now is really for me. Is it something that I like? At first I feel it was okay, but then I find this place is just so hard to get along. Stamford wasn't like this? KLMU was a big time sucks but the people are just fine. Telekom wasn't. This is worst! The poeple, are just one kind. Nak kata terlalu goverment tak jugak. Telekom pun kira goverment jugak tapi takdala macamni. Well I have this instinct already when the so called 'group CEO' asked us to be the organizer for his sons wedding. I was whatta??! and whatever you do here, everyone knows...everyone is busy boddy to know...OMG...and then what, I have manager pastu senior manager. Perlukah...? Today when I was making my coffee at the pantry everybody was looking at me. Why? Is is because I'm early? Why they bother? Pandang2...tak habis2 nak jaga tepi kain orang...malula tengok attitude orang Melayu macam ni. I don't know if I'm having the wrong feeling but I'll try my best to IGNORE  them...and this is why I write...just write my feelings...It's my right to write...My blog is my own. No one can sibuk2. Hehe..

It is fine with me

So many things have happened lately...just too many things!! Tired. Bored. Give up. Yes that is what I feel. How I feel. If I could talk in front of the whole world, I would say “Just, give me the right to feel what I want to feel. Think what I want to think. Just let this lady speak! For once please.”

For ordinary people who have gone through their ordinary lives, things may have been so perfect towards them. Things have been so perfect, that they’ve never face any off the Devils. And so they would want to follow all the perfect rules…what they called the right things for them. They do not want to bend. They just go straight. Because the road they've been taking has always been a straight one.


But for someone like me, I guess I don't belong to those ordinaries. Things have been hard for me all the time. First, I have no salary for the past one and half month. Then my husband has been cheated by his business partners (the Devils). He’s been cheated Big Time! He loses his job. And then, there goes the money… Money? Money…Money!!! The everlasting motive I have, to get my feet on the ground, and get myself to the office every day. Like this smiling zombie I feel like there is a big fat stone on my head and my chest. I got sick so often these days. Just mentally sick!


At the same time while I’m writing this, the Devils I mentioned are sitting nicely in their couch smiling… at each of the ruining that they have caused! I have stop asking myself, why there are such filthy people in this world? I have stopped that long time. To me they are just like the cars on the road. HAHA! Quite a comparison or maybe I should say they are just like a shit on the streets! Or, like flies flying around the shit!! They are just there. Born to be that way.


Recently we receive sms threat saying that they will hunt us down. Or kill us maybe. Who cares anyway? Keep telling myself “Nothing will happen without Allah’s agree it to be happened”. I do worry about Iris’s safety. I do. Should I hold my deep breath?? It just never stops isn’t it? I’m tired but I can’t sleep. I’m hungry but I can’t eat. I’m happy? No I am not. Happy seems to be overrated.

Keep telling myself maybe this is what written for me. Just like how I write this story. There couldn’t be nothing more nothing less to write. I guess, Allah have says “It is fine for me” and so I must said yes it is fine with me.